If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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