You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
