how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
