yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
