He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
