I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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