I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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