I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
