Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
