If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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