you guys were way drunker than both of me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
