also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
