i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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