my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
