The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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