I wish I could teleport
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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