I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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