the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
