I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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