I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
