I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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