What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
