Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
