A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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