im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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