There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
