You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
