Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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