you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
