Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
