he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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