got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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