and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
