She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
