My first STD was from a foam party
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
