the new term for farting is butt boxing.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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