Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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