I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
