i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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