is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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