uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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