I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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