My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
