Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
