There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
