allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
