Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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