She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
