I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
