I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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