I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
