your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
