i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
