4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
