I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
