Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?