you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.