dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's like heaven, but drunker
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.