so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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