At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize