Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
