Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
