I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
