I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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