Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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