you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
