So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
