I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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