I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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